DAY TWENTY SIX - ANXIETY
Matthew 6:27 "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"...
...31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
This is a good reminder. I often forget that worrying doesn't do any good at all. Jesus is specific here in saying he would provide your "needs", not necessarily your wants or wish lists. But as far as just plain ol' worrying - I am good at it. I love to plan and be prepared. When I am not able to do this, it stresses me out.
There was a time in my life where worry and anxiety took over my life. It was partially out of my control but I learned a lot from it. It is very true that God walked with us while we were grieving the loss of Isaiah and Tori Jane. However that doesn't mean the following days/weeks/months/years were easy. In fact one of the things I had to journey through was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is a type of anxiety disorder that can occur after a traumatic experience or event that involves the threat of injury or death. Many people respond to this disorder in a variety of different ways.
Symptoms for me included:
-nightmares
-being uncomfortable in group situations
-feeling detached
-avoiding people or places
-having difficulty concentrating
-startling easy
-being hypervigilant -over aware of everything
-having a certainty that I will die, or someone close to me will die
-having trouble falling asleep
-agitation
-dizzyness and fainting
-depression
-mood swings
-panic attacks
-poor breathing
-guilt
etc....
These are the areas that I personally struggled with. Quite a long list - and I'm sure I've forgotten a few. But every day I woke up dealing with an aspect of it. The hard part was that I kept hoping tomorrow would be the day it would go away, and when I woke up still struggling with it the next day it threw me further and further into depression. I had some professional help, which was good just to talk through it, and find out that "I'm not crazy" In fact, just having someone say - "This is normal" was so reassuring.
It was also helpful to have someone give you steps to walk through the particularly bad episodes. I learned that I needed time, and it was so hard to "not just be better" . I found that I needed to walk to help clear my brain. But it still wasn't a cure.
It's amazing how your brain can play such tricks on you. To say I was neurotic was an understatement. But thankfully God helped me through, and I have an amazing husband. The first steps for freedom for me included:
-exercise and eating healthy (I sometimes would forget to eat)
-verbalising silly thoughts
-talking about the birth and death of Isaiah and Tori Jane
-speaking out the truth when I'm believing lies
-trying to understand the triggers that caused the anxiety.
There were days that I was sure I was going to die. There were days I was scared Leigh would die - maybe on the way to work or something. But the truth was, "He most likely wouldn't die. The chances of that happening were very slim. And even if it should happen, would worrying help?" The worrying took up too much of my time and energy - time that could be spent instead on enjoying life around me.
For the first time I understood what some people must feel to be stuck. It is a horrible feeling to know that things aren't right, and you can't change it instantly with a happy pill! It's horrible finding yourself standing in an empty shell of a body, just staring into space with a BLANK brain - nothing in there...except dark space, and not knowing how to feel alive again. Not even your will can make it change.
Guilt builds up the longer it takes for you to get over it - especially when you think you should be over it by now. It wasn't until about a year later that I mostly got over it. It was a 10 day holiday away with my husband that I laid to rest the final pieces of my broken heart. A few weeks later - I was pregnant with Malakai and Levi. And what a gift that was to me!
There have been moments where the anxiety tries to come back, but Leigh helps me decipher what is true, and what is false, and thankfully it doesn't stay long.
So "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
No.
Instead, I'll try to stop worrying and focus on living instead!
...31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
This is a good reminder. I often forget that worrying doesn't do any good at all. Jesus is specific here in saying he would provide your "needs", not necessarily your wants or wish lists. But as far as just plain ol' worrying - I am good at it. I love to plan and be prepared. When I am not able to do this, it stresses me out.
There was a time in my life where worry and anxiety took over my life. It was partially out of my control but I learned a lot from it. It is very true that God walked with us while we were grieving the loss of Isaiah and Tori Jane. However that doesn't mean the following days/weeks/months/years were easy. In fact one of the things I had to journey through was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is a type of anxiety disorder that can occur after a traumatic experience or event that involves the threat of injury or death. Many people respond to this disorder in a variety of different ways.
Symptoms for me included:
-nightmares
-being uncomfortable in group situations
-feeling detached
-avoiding people or places
-having difficulty concentrating
-startling easy
-being hypervigilant -over aware of everything
-having a certainty that I will die, or someone close to me will die
-having trouble falling asleep
-agitation
-dizzyness and fainting
-depression
-mood swings
-panic attacks
-poor breathing
-guilt
etc....
These are the areas that I personally struggled with. Quite a long list - and I'm sure I've forgotten a few. But every day I woke up dealing with an aspect of it. The hard part was that I kept hoping tomorrow would be the day it would go away, and when I woke up still struggling with it the next day it threw me further and further into depression. I had some professional help, which was good just to talk through it, and find out that "I'm not crazy" In fact, just having someone say - "This is normal" was so reassuring.
It was also helpful to have someone give you steps to walk through the particularly bad episodes. I learned that I needed time, and it was so hard to "not just be better" . I found that I needed to walk to help clear my brain. But it still wasn't a cure.
It's amazing how your brain can play such tricks on you. To say I was neurotic was an understatement. But thankfully God helped me through, and I have an amazing husband. The first steps for freedom for me included:
-exercise and eating healthy (I sometimes would forget to eat)
-verbalising silly thoughts
-talking about the birth and death of Isaiah and Tori Jane
-speaking out the truth when I'm believing lies
-trying to understand the triggers that caused the anxiety.
There were days that I was sure I was going to die. There were days I was scared Leigh would die - maybe on the way to work or something. But the truth was, "He most likely wouldn't die. The chances of that happening were very slim. And even if it should happen, would worrying help?" The worrying took up too much of my time and energy - time that could be spent instead on enjoying life around me.
For the first time I understood what some people must feel to be stuck. It is a horrible feeling to know that things aren't right, and you can't change it instantly with a happy pill! It's horrible finding yourself standing in an empty shell of a body, just staring into space with a BLANK brain - nothing in there...except dark space, and not knowing how to feel alive again. Not even your will can make it change.
Guilt builds up the longer it takes for you to get over it - especially when you think you should be over it by now. It wasn't until about a year later that I mostly got over it. It was a 10 day holiday away with my husband that I laid to rest the final pieces of my broken heart. A few weeks later - I was pregnant with Malakai and Levi. And what a gift that was to me!
There have been moments where the anxiety tries to come back, but Leigh helps me decipher what is true, and what is false, and thankfully it doesn't stay long.
So "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
No.
Instead, I'll try to stop worrying and focus on living instead!
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