DAY FOUR - GRACE
LENT: Read here to know more about Lent and the book I'm reading for this season
It's the end of day four and I haven't made the effort to blog or read my book until tonight. I hope this isn't indicative of how committed I am to this process. At the beginning of the chapter of the "Lent" book I'm reading, the author also commented on how day four was a struggle for him as well. I wonder why we are creatures that struggle with good disciplines?
Today, I was at a friends house for a birthday party, and I did well at keeping to my "fast" without having to say anything about it to anyone. It wasn't until I was deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone that I realised I had snatched 2 things off the nearby table and swallowed them without even thinking about what I'd done.
Later on, as I buckled the kids in the car, I reminisced about the fact that I had broken my fast, and became abhorred and quite angry with myself. How easy was it to eat "methodically" or "mechanically" without even thinking it through. And so, I began to chastise myself, and conjure up different ideas of how I should punish myself? I thought that maybe if I punished myself, God might not punish me too much for it. I stomped around for awhile, and tried to think of a "proper punishment". Should I skip the evening meal? Should I not allow myself the pleasure of participating in Sunday's Feast-day this week?
Immediately, I felt a warm feeling of love come over me and God say, "Grace".
"But I... I broke a promise to You Lord!"
And again I heard God say, "Grace".
I began to realise that my perspective of God was still askew. God wasn't up there waiting for me to fail. He wasn't standing there ready to "smite me" the moment I made a mistake or punish me for yet another failing. I had understood from the old Bible stories, that God was a powerful, and jealous God. But what I hadn't learned was that He wasn't "out to get me". Here I was sure that He was again disappointed in me and wanting to make me pay for my failings.
I had read somewhere that grace means receiving something you don't deserve whereas mercy means not getting a punishment that you deserve. Whether it was grace or mercy that God extended to me today, I still learned that He loved me.
I wonder how many times I must learn this same lesson - that God is a gracious, loving, and forgiving God. I mean He did create me, and He must love His creation if he opens His arms wide to me again and again when I continue to come back ashamed and dirtier than before.
He picks me up every time, no matter what I've managed to get myself into, and helps me through it standing alongside me. He's not standing angrily, dragging me along by the scruff of the neck, or thinking I need a good lashing for my wayward ways. No, He continues to draw me closer to Himself - and receives me back every time with open arms.
Now I know some might think "an accident" in your fast is nothing - and others might say the opposite - that breaking a promise to God is one of the worst ways to fail Him. Regardless of this act - the point I'm trying to make is that He is FOR US! Whether we've made a big blunder or have hit a hiccup along the way. And for this I'm truly grateful!
God's grace and mercy is available to everyone! All we have to do is just choose to receive it!
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matt 11:28-29
It's the end of day four and I haven't made the effort to blog or read my book until tonight. I hope this isn't indicative of how committed I am to this process. At the beginning of the chapter of the "Lent" book I'm reading, the author also commented on how day four was a struggle for him as well. I wonder why we are creatures that struggle with good disciplines?
Today, I was at a friends house for a birthday party, and I did well at keeping to my "fast" without having to say anything about it to anyone. It wasn't until I was deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone that I realised I had snatched 2 things off the nearby table and swallowed them without even thinking about what I'd done.
Later on, as I buckled the kids in the car, I reminisced about the fact that I had broken my fast, and became abhorred and quite angry with myself. How easy was it to eat "methodically" or "mechanically" without even thinking it through. And so, I began to chastise myself, and conjure up different ideas of how I should punish myself? I thought that maybe if I punished myself, God might not punish me too much for it. I stomped around for awhile, and tried to think of a "proper punishment". Should I skip the evening meal? Should I not allow myself the pleasure of participating in Sunday's Feast-day this week?
Immediately, I felt a warm feeling of love come over me and God say, "Grace".
"But I... I broke a promise to You Lord!"
And again I heard God say, "Grace".
I began to realise that my perspective of God was still askew. God wasn't up there waiting for me to fail. He wasn't standing there ready to "smite me" the moment I made a mistake or punish me for yet another failing. I had understood from the old Bible stories, that God was a powerful, and jealous God. But what I hadn't learned was that He wasn't "out to get me". Here I was sure that He was again disappointed in me and wanting to make me pay for my failings.
I had read somewhere that grace means receiving something you don't deserve whereas mercy means not getting a punishment that you deserve. Whether it was grace or mercy that God extended to me today, I still learned that He loved me.
I wonder how many times I must learn this same lesson - that God is a gracious, loving, and forgiving God. I mean He did create me, and He must love His creation if he opens His arms wide to me again and again when I continue to come back ashamed and dirtier than before.
He picks me up every time, no matter what I've managed to get myself into, and helps me through it standing alongside me. He's not standing angrily, dragging me along by the scruff of the neck, or thinking I need a good lashing for my wayward ways. No, He continues to draw me closer to Himself - and receives me back every time with open arms.
Now I know some might think "an accident" in your fast is nothing - and others might say the opposite - that breaking a promise to God is one of the worst ways to fail Him. Regardless of this act - the point I'm trying to make is that He is FOR US! Whether we've made a big blunder or have hit a hiccup along the way. And for this I'm truly grateful!
God's grace and mercy is available to everyone! All we have to do is just choose to receive it!
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matt 11:28-29
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