in pieces

  The icy wind tugs at my coat as if it wants to play. It finds its way in and grins greedily as it finds flesh.  I pull my collar tighter as if to impose my power again - and begin to pick up my pace.  This game feels like it's been going on for a lifetime and I'm tired of it now. It knows my weakness and almost laughs at my attempt to protect myself.  With fierce persistence - it again whirls around me...and somehow the swirling orchestrates a lashing to my face. A lashing that uses my own hair against me.  It reminds me how my older brothers used to take my fists and hit me with them while chanting "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"  I loathed that game.  And I was loathing this game as well.   I turn and shout, "Stop beating me!" But it only howls louder as it slaps me again and again. I can feel the tears begin to form.  And I wonder when it will be over. I feel depleted.  With persistent fo...

I love our children. They are little adventurers. I think that means- I will always have messes in the house as they build fort after fort with every item they can use . It means at least one of them will be sporting a scrape, a bruise or bump! It means I will constantly clean dirty floors and will have no hope of keeping up with the washing let alone get all the stains out of their clothes. It means they will experiment and fail and cry and give up and maybe try again. But I wouldn’t give up their adventurous spirits for the cleanest house in the world just to have perfectly bubble-wrapped clean children. I love that Aliyahs hands and feet must be in the dirt- and that her hair takes a good hour to brush out because of the debris and twigs she’s collected in it in the day.  She has determination of steel and excels at anything she puts her mind to. She won’t be outdone by her older brothers. I love that Levi counts down the days (while pouring over animal encyclopa...

One of our family’s all time favourite comfort foods is homemade soup! And My Pumpkin soup is Aliyah’s absolute favourite. I’ll post the recipe here but remember I tend to “feel” the amounts- which is a person of precision’s nightmare. Ange’s Pumpkin Soup In a 180C oven, place about: 1Kg of Pumpkin rubbed in olive oil  After about a half hour of enjoying your favourite beverage, place a soup pot on the stove and in oil sauté  1 onion Add: 3 medium potatoes peeled and cubed (small) 3 small carrots peeled and cubed (small) 3 garlic cloves (smashed and chopped roughly) 2 -3 knobs of butter Lower heat slightly and let it cook down for about 10-15 minutes (which is about equivalent to reading about 8 friends Facebook posts and replying to 4 of them or folding a pile of washing) Prepare: Take pumpkin out of oven and remove skin and seeds. (See super awesome video filmed by my 8 year old) Add: Pumpkin should be soft enoug...

Getting a break in isolation- with family can be so tricky! What do you do to get a space to breathe?

How am I doing today? Let’s see...

Praise God for Perseverance! Wow I’m so glad I made it through the 30 day challenge. For me personally, it required perseverance. I didn’t find it easy. But anything of value isn’t easy. I liked that I had to work at it and discipline myself to do it. It helped me grow and literally took all my anxiety away. I almost feel like I’ve been in a protective bubble these past weeks as I’ve set my eyes on praising Him rather than gathering stress and fear from the world. James 1:4 says “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” I’m so grateful for this maturing and growth in my life. And I seriously have felt I’ve lacked for nothing- truly. Holy spirit – thank you for showing up – and ministering to me every day teaching me and guiding me in your way. Jesus – thank you for being my Saviour and giving me a way back to the Father through you – and Lord God thank you for creating me and pursuing me with your endless love constantly. I am s...

Praise God for family. I’m kind of going rogue off following the book now- but I have been inspired by the time spent together with my family recently. In a sense the present day lockdown has created space for the very things I’ve heard myself say that I didn’t have time for. One being - just chilling with family.  I have a feeling we’ll look back on these days with fondness. Stepping back from our regular hurried routine has allowed me to see how much we’ve filled our day with a lot of time pressured events. No wonder I am a stress head sometimes! I am running from one thing to the next just trying to keep up- just trying to keep my head above water. I don’t really like that lifestyle so I have to really figure out how I can make the things that really matter to me - a priority, and dismiss the things that aren’t. To find the space for intentional togetherness with my family enjoying the really simple things in life.  I have been blessed with amazing parents and tw...

Praise God for His Son. Without whom- I’d have no hope. No future. No purpose.  When God sent His Son, He gave me everything. Not only a free gift of eternal life, and a slate wiped clean, but a reason to live. I am here to worship Him with my life. If I do not praise Him- there is no reason to my existence. The Bible says that one day every tribe and tongue and nation on earth will bow to Him. Whether we choose to accept that now- or when we are face to face to Him - is up to us. I know that there is nothing on this earth that can satisfy my soul more than my faith in Jesus Christ. What a joy to celebrate Jesus today - on Easter Sunday! Click here to listen to: King of Kings by Hillsong Worship And Forever (We Sing Hallelujah) by Kari Job

Praise God for His presence in the waiting. As Easter is tomorrow - I can’t help but praise God for His presence in the waiting.  A couple years ago a colleague spoke in church about being in liminal space. That time between what was and what is to come.  Do you know how a trapeze artist moves from that space of being let go to being grasped again? Perfect precision in that moment. The liminal space - is that weightlessness in between. The courage to let go with the belief and trust that you will be caught again.   Liminal space. Without it you’d never do anything- or go anywhere - you’d just swing back and forth. I think Easter Saturday is a great example of liminal space. The time between His death and His resurrection. The time between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I have often struggled with the Saturday between. Good Friday (while sobering) gives me something to grieve and reflect upon. And on Sunday I rejoice in His victory over death, and His resurr...

Praise God that He answers prayer A number of years ago I came across the verse in Psalm 37:4 that says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I spent a few weeks just meditating on that one verse. I had circumstances in my life that I was longing for the Lord to answer. I knew that God doesn’t always answer the way I desired but I was finding that there seemed to be “no” answer at all- silence from God - which almost felt worse than an obvious no from Him. Part of me wondered if it was a season of waiting- practicing patience- which for me would not be a bad thing to practice. But even in that- God felt strangely quiet and distant. Throughout those days as I studied the verse- I began to ask myself- what does it mean to “Delight myself in the Lord?” I began to discover that delighting in Him wasn’t just about completing a lot of religious practices- not just ticking the Christian boxes and expecting a response from God through...

Praise God that He is strong in my weakness. We all fall short. I think most humans are fairly aware of their failures. Some ignore them. Some don’t believe them. But I do think we know that at our core they’re there.  I don’t believe God is surprised.  But what He promises is that whatever weakness we carry - he can be our strength in that. Have you ever come face to face with the reality of weakness in your own life? Some of us have addictions. Some of us have bodies that fail us. Some of us have weak minds. Some of us give in to temptations. Some of us struggle to love. Some of us struggle to be loved. Some of us value the wrong things. Some of us are hurt. Some of us are broken. Some of us are lost. Some of us are incapacitated by fear. Whatever weakness we’ve encountered in ourselves. God is bigger and stronger and more powerful than our deepest darkest most shameful secret.  His hope and strength is for ALL PEOPLE. No matter ...

Praise God for His Healing Power Whether we suffer from a physical, emotional, or spiritual wound- our God can heal. He can heal us from the past, from broken relationships,- from addictions, from sorrow. Sometimes we don’t ask because of fear that He may not answer our prayer like we want Him too.  However, that also means we can miss out on the healing power that He can bring. What could I be missing out on because I’m afraid to even ask? His healing power isn’t based on what I want- otherwise my faith is based on what He does for me- not who He is to me. Will I still choose to praise Him even if He doesn’t answer my prayer? But then... what if He does? He is the potter - I am the clay. He is the creator. I am the created. Romans 9   20  But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God?  “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it,  ‘Why did you make me like this?’” 21  Does not the potter have the right to make ou...

Praise God that I can trust Him. I think many of us have faced a battle of trust at one time or another. Trust is an interesting commodity. I’ve learned that when someone is getting to know me- trust tends to be given in small doses to see how the trust will be used. If the trust is invested in something wisely (according to the giver) more trust will be given.  If nothing is done with the small doses of trust given- the trust is lost and much harder to be earned again.  The more I do with the trust the bigger the trust becomes and the more trust that is earned the wider the door becomes to openness, honesty and vulnerability - until eventually the door is flung wide to complete acceptance. This is complete trust. Sometimes we can place our trust in the temporary - In things that don’t have eternal value.   Soon we will find that these worldly confidences are not solid at all- but a facade of truth. When we place our trust in God we find over and over aga...

Praise God that He is my Provider The world is truly an uncertain place. But boy have I been blessed. He goes before me and behind me. He knows my deepest needs. He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He has provided for me again and again and again. There have been times I felt so helpless- unsure what to do and He has blessed me beyond what I deserve- not only has He given  me the greatest treasure in His Son Jesus - securing my eternal inheritance - he has given me peace in the face of chaos- contentment in the face of anxiety- and joy in the face of fear. Philippians 4:19-20 says: And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and father be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Click here to listen: Provider by Urban Rescue

Praise God that He is victorious over evil. As we face our many adversities on earth- Especially today- I feel a sense of strength when I read the scripture and see that God reigns in the end. He is the one who is victorious over evil. Even tho pain and suffering are here for today- one day  all evil will be dispelled.  So I do not need to fear the one in the world. He promises that a time will come when every tribe tongue and nation will bow before Him in worship. All will bow down. All creation will sing His praise together - imagine what that kind of worship service will be like! I was just contemplating yesterday how God has always been faithful to His promises. And this promise will come true too! John 16:33 says I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. Today take some time to listen to No Longer Slaves- by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser What. Beaut...

Praise God that He wants to Be with Me Today I praise Him that He desires connection to me- He functions outside of time. He knows my daily pressures. He knows my capabilities to accomplish tasks. He is more interested in the time we spend together than what I can do. He says- Find rest in me daughter. Let me be your refuge. And As I do He will help me prioritise what’s important. Today I rest in His presence knowing He is for me and delights in our relationship. I don’t have to achieve tasks or live up to a certain standard to be good enough to spend time with Him. Be Still and Know He is God- Psalm 46:10 While I was in YWAM we used to sing this song a lot Meet with Me - by Ten Shekel Shirt Also- click here to listen to I Love Your Presence by Bethel Live

Praise God that He’s our Perfect Father I know many of us have come from families that maybe weren’t the greatest examples for us to learn good parenting from. We are human and we can really fall short. I’m sure that’s why many of us might have a skewed understanding of God as a Father.  I had a friend that told me once that even though He grew up with a poor example of a Father He felt the Lord tell him that He had the opportunity to shape his own role as a father not off his earthly father but after the best role model- the Perfect Father- God himself.  Imagine if we all did that and were able to receive the perfect and overwhelming love He offers.  Today  as I look at my own children- I think about the fierce love I have for them- and I am thankful that He loves me more than I can even imagine- that He is my number one supporter and encourager and that He delights in me.  Zephaniah 3:17 says   The  Lord  your God  in your ...

Praise Him for His Forgiveness I’m sure many of us have faced our own difficult people that have rubbed us the wrong way.  I know I have- but I have also been challenged by God that these difficult people can bring out the absolute worst in me too. It’s not like they make me do it- my reactions are choices I make in those moments. Isn’t it amazing how God can refine us in these situations?  1 Peter 3:9 says Do not repay evil with evil Or insult with insult BUT WITH BLESSING... The scriptures also say-  Not to judge others or we too shall be judged  (Matt 7:1)  For if we forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  (Matt 6:14-15) We are so blessed that God is faithful and Just to forgive us our sins! so undeserving... Do we offer the same kind of forgiveness to others? Click here and take time to listen to:...

Praise Him for His perfect peace. Last night I woke at 4am to hear a loud bang and then all our power went out. I quickly jumped to my feet to check if it was just us or the whole neighbourhood. Everything lay in darkness. As someone who deals with anxiety I could immediately feel my throat tighten- this was a difficult time enough as it was without this added pressure. , I was immediately thrown into sea of fear and worry. “What if I have to go the whole day or the week without power?” No screens, no mindless scrolling through social media, no listening to music. Oh no- the fridges and the freezer- all the food!!!! And we’re in isolation- how will that work? What if the hospital is out of power? What if I can’t get help when I need it! I could feel my anxiety heighten at each thought that bombarded my mind. I checked my phone to see how much of the city was affected. It seemed that only our area was affected. I lay down again- but couldn’t sleep. I rolled over to put on a sh...

Praise Jesus- that He’s my friend. Loneliness is one of the most difficult things we face. To know that Jesus desires friendship with us is amazing. He meets our deepest longing and will always have time for us no matter what.  The more time we spend with Him the more we want to know.  There have been times that I’ve tried to fill that space with other people- a friendship or a relationship. But have found that nothing fulfils me more than connecting to Him. John 15:15 says “I have called you my friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Today praise God for his friendship.  Click here to listen to: What A Friend We Have in Jesus - by Aretha Franklin

Praise Him that He values me When I was 12 years old I had the opportunity to attend a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) kings kids summer creative arts program. I loved it- and remember having one of my first real connections with God that I can recall.  I had gone for a walk on my own- and was feeling down that day- as I had never considered myself particularly pretty and my self esteem and value were low because I didn’t feel popular with the boys. To a 12 year old that was real stuff. As I walked that day-  I found myself in the middle of a meadow field. I looked down and the teeniest tiniest flower caught my attention. As I stooped  to pick it up I felt God say to me “You see this flower? This is you. In the sea of grass and the multitude of other flowers- some brighter and bigger, this is the one that makes me stop..” I remember feeling so full in my heart. I couldn’t believe that God valued me that much. It wasn’t until later when I read more of the scriptures th...

Praise God that He sustains me When I share my faith journey with others, I have been asked many times, “When you walked away from Christ what made you come back?” or “Why did you even bother returning back to Jesus after experiencing real freedom?” And I reply “Because I have found nothing else on earth satisfies my soul like He does.” Even though I grew up in a Christian household, I had a skewed understanding of what faith in Jesus was all about.  So when I graduated, I felt compelled to search for something much less “strict and disciplinary”. Tho I had many powerful and moving experiences as a Christian, I felt like I wanted to have a go at seeing what the world had to offer. And for a LONG while I tried a lot of things! And to be honest a lot of things of this world- were fun and crazy and full of excitement - so I didn’t hurry back... until... after awhile these wild crazy adventures started to feel like they were the same story over and over again. Do something stupi...

Praise God for His righteousness. Sometimes I read Romans and think- what the heck did I just read? Then someone like Leigh comes along and reads the same passage and totally gets it... I’m a bit scared of Romans- it’s like the superfood of scripture. You know it’s healthy for you but on its own and without context it just tastes weird. I’m not trying to be disrespectful- just honest. I think it’s almost too profound for me to really, truly, understand. When it comes to righteousness there’s a lot to be said about it in scripture. Romans 3:21-24 says this: But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Essentially- God has given us a free gift of righteousness - ...

Praise God that He is sovereign! When times are tough we can find it hard to say God is sovereign.  If He is- why is there so much pain in the world?  If he is in control- why is the world such a mess? Habakkuk 3:17-19 speaks to that lament: Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the field produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my saviour. The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights Though we face trials of many kinds on earth, He is still my Savior. Though we don’t know when our last breath will be nor understand why things happen the way they do- He is still Sovereign. Winter may last a season but spring is coming. Giving way to new life. The world is u predicable and satan is always at work trying to draw our attention from ...