Transition
Aliyah is now 6 weeks old, and I can't believe how quickly these days have past. Yesterday Leigh had to finally go back to work, and it hasn't been an easy transition for us. During the month of April, Leigh's mom took time off work to help us care for the boys which was needed as I couldn't keep up with them, being so heavily pregnant at the time. Then, for the past 5 weeks, since Aliyah joined the scene, Leigh became the primary carer for the boys whom, at 19 months, require a lot of energy and attention. Having another adult around doesn't just help physically with menial tasks. The mental gymnastics a parent goes through to keep little ones safe, fed, and cleaned, is monumental, and having someone else around takes a lot of the pressure off when making decisions about things.
So when yesterday rolled around - D-Day - the first day I would be doing it on my own in 3 months, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do it. In fact I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.
My kids weren't being bad. It was just hard to keep up with all of them, and even more difficult when they all needed me. For example - in the morning after feeding Aliyah, (who I carried around all day, because she was crying from some tummy pain), I found Kai had learned to crawl out of his crib and landed head first on the floor - while in the meantime I was still helping Levi nurse his bandaged foot from Sunday's emergency department escapade when it was smashed with an old oil heater. Who do I deal with first? And based on my decisions will I have made a bad mother choice?
Lunch was another circus. Try making lunch, while trying to keep toddlers happy, away from the kitchen, and holding a baby crying on your hip. Your stress levels as a mother skyrockets the louder each whine gets from each child resulting in tears...mine, not the kids!
And then, after all that...nap time came - blessed nap time - at least for the 2 boys. Whew! And I sighed, thinking, "Wow, I made it through the hard part of today - but oh my gosh, how am I going to do this again tomorrow and again the next day after that?"
And the stress continued to increase as I let my mind race, "And what about when the boys are older and more strong willed and defiant, and Aliyah is awake and starting to crawl? Oh man!!! What will I do then?"
PERSPECTIVE SLAP.
Remember 3 years ago, when all this chaos would have been the cry of your heart? Think of all those people who don't have the joy of having 3 beautiful children to chase after. These years won't last long and before you know it they will be grown up and leaving home.
I know all these truths, and I love my children. I do!
But sometimes it's still hard and that's okay to admit.
Asking for help is so hard these days because everyone has their own difficulties to deal with, and you don't want to be a burden on someone else. And of course, I pridefully want everyone to think that I am a super MOM and totally amazing at dealing with every situation as a pro. But as I thought more about it I decided that if anyone offered help, I would take it. People won't help you if they don't want too anyway, and is it so bad having someone help you out so you can be a better mom to your kids? No, I don't think so!
I have had 4 beautiful friends help me out and I am reminded how blessed I am. A month ago, I was sure I had no friends around me that really cared. I had talked myself into thinking that it was true, and that I was alone.
But then Tara has made me "easy to make" meals that have taken pressure off the stress around meal times. She, also a mother of gorgeous twin girls, has also bent a listening ear to someone who needs to vent to someone else that "really understands".
My friends Claire, Melanie, and Kelly have offered to come and be with me and help me with either holding Aliyah or doing things around the house. Praise the Lord - another set of hands, and a friend to chat with! And Meg drove me to my doctors' appointment when I wasn't allowed to drive yet.
I've found transition is never easy - and I think that's the point. Transition is challenge and change. How could we ever change and grow and become better if we were never challenged? To be renewed and grow, we must change - to change we need transition and that doesn't come without it's challenges. But what joy to know we don't have to do it on our own. God gave us each other to walk through it together.
What kind of deep relationships are made when we humbly have to ask for help in these times of need? Transition teaches us about ourselves. We begin to learn our depths. We see who we really are. We see our shortcomings and in our ineptitude we see our desperate need of each other.
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