Believing God's Best!
I have so many things to be grateful for. I can't believe that it was only a couple years ago, when I dug in my heels and said ,"NO way God, I don't want to go to Australia." And like a child said, "I hate it there!" To show how emphatic I was, and that I truly meant it, I took some time to scream at Leigh about it (not because he was making me go, but because he was, in a way, connected, and of course "wildly responsible" for it)
I knew in my heart that I didn't hate it here, but I hated the fact that I could have to change. I like comfort. Of course after many years serving in a mission organization where you MUST learn to adapt, you either become good at it, or good at hating it - depending on your experiences.
I think in some way, deep down, I knew that it was right that we come here, and I felt somehow frustrated that this was "God's Best" for me. I guess it could be traced back to adolescent days, when I bloody-well refused any advice and direction. I hated being told what to do. I wanted to find my own way. In the end, my own way taught me a huge pile of things, but to be honest, it really really sucked.
So, I went through the motions.
I had to say goodbye.
I had to say goodbye....to say hello.
When I flew over that big ocean something happened inside me. I started getting excited. Dreaming, thinking, wondering, planning, hoping, wishing, fretting. It was new and exciting. The very thing I feared, I started to enjoy. The very things I felt like I had to give up began to unfold in my life as reality.
Let's take a poll shall we?
1. I dreamt of having my own house one day, where I didn't have to share with another family.
Somewhere Leigh and I could call home, without having to worry if we were annoying our neighbours
So.... Check! Got that one.
2. I dreamt of having a car not to add to the polluting of the environment, but to allow us to participate in more things - to help and serve others around us.
Check!
3. I have talked about teaching. Even about working with moms and kids.
This is my JOB?!?! Check, check, and check
4. I wanted to be in a partnership with someone. I have dreamt about owning my own business - especially a health/wellness centre for women.
Well, I don't have a business yet, but I've been hired on as a the administrative assistant for SureSlim and VibroGym. I am looking into taking a business course some day soon too.
5. I wanted to foster my musical talents.
Along with singing at Hey Dee Ho Music, someone approached me this week, and wondered if it would be possible for me to join their band and sing at the local pubs. CHECK! WOW - this one isn't set in stone yet because I haven't met the band or anything, but it feels so exciting.
Somehow I thought, that since I was so old now, and didn't' have a degree, and wasn't working in a company or working towards my career goal, or something, I would be stuck flipping burgers! Although I like a good burger, I didn't want to settle in life for "lameness". (that is a technical term I think!)
God gave me all of this! And to think, what if I hadn't listened?
For those of you worried that I'm here forever, the moral of the story is this...
I pray that I will know His voice, that I can hear His voice, so that I will listen. Gall-dangit!! if only I had the "formula" for hearing His voice, it would make it easier! More than just pressing in... and waiting!!!
And at the risk of sounding like a wrap-up on a belabored Bible Study, I'll finish off by saying
...If I can just trust that He really knows what's best for me, and listen, than maybe in the future, I'll find myself dreaming even bigger... and checking off an even more extensive list.
I knew in my heart that I didn't hate it here, but I hated the fact that I could have to change. I like comfort. Of course after many years serving in a mission organization where you MUST learn to adapt, you either become good at it, or good at hating it - depending on your experiences.
I think in some way, deep down, I knew that it was right that we come here, and I felt somehow frustrated that this was "God's Best" for me. I guess it could be traced back to adolescent days, when I bloody-well refused any advice and direction. I hated being told what to do. I wanted to find my own way. In the end, my own way taught me a huge pile of things, but to be honest, it really really sucked.
So, I went through the motions.
- I "let go" of YWAM - my life and circle of friends for the last 8 years. Where I learned to foster dreams, where I grew up, where I became an adult, and where I really fell in love with Jesus.
- I "let go" of my family - those who believed in me most, my constant support in all trials, and my darling nieces and nephew.
- I "let go" of my friends - my joyful times, my dream weavers, being known inside and out, my god-daughters
- I "let go" of my nation - my identity, my culture, my safe house.
I had to say goodbye.
I had to say goodbye....to say hello.
When I flew over that big ocean something happened inside me. I started getting excited. Dreaming, thinking, wondering, planning, hoping, wishing, fretting. It was new and exciting. The very thing I feared, I started to enjoy. The very things I felt like I had to give up began to unfold in my life as reality.
Let's take a poll shall we?
1. I dreamt of having my own house one day, where I didn't have to share with another family.
Somewhere Leigh and I could call home, without having to worry if we were annoying our neighbours
So.... Check! Got that one.
2. I dreamt of having a car not to add to the polluting of the environment, but to allow us to participate in more things - to help and serve others around us.
Check!
3. I have talked about teaching. Even about working with moms and kids.
This is my JOB?!?! Check, check, and check
4. I wanted to be in a partnership with someone. I have dreamt about owning my own business - especially a health/wellness centre for women.
Well, I don't have a business yet, but I've been hired on as a the administrative assistant for SureSlim and VibroGym. I am looking into taking a business course some day soon too.
5. I wanted to foster my musical talents.
Along with singing at Hey Dee Ho Music, someone approached me this week, and wondered if it would be possible for me to join their band and sing at the local pubs. CHECK! WOW - this one isn't set in stone yet because I haven't met the band or anything, but it feels so exciting.
Somehow I thought, that since I was so old now, and didn't' have a degree, and wasn't working in a company or working towards my career goal, or something, I would be stuck flipping burgers! Although I like a good burger, I didn't want to settle in life for "lameness". (that is a technical term I think!)
God gave me all of this! And to think, what if I hadn't listened?
For those of you worried that I'm here forever, the moral of the story is this...
I pray that I will know His voice, that I can hear His voice, so that I will listen. Gall-dangit!! if only I had the "formula" for hearing His voice, it would make it easier! More than just pressing in... and waiting!!!
And at the risk of sounding like a wrap-up on a belabored Bible Study, I'll finish off by saying
...If I can just trust that He really knows what's best for me, and listen, than maybe in the future, I'll find myself dreaming even bigger... and checking off an even more extensive list.
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