Having Twins

Having twins can be quite the novelty right from the start.  I remember walking out of the obstetricians office after our 1st ultrasound and approaching the desk to sort out payments and future appointments.

The receptionist whispered to me “Are you having twins?” 

I nodded and said, “Yes, but how did you know?”

And she grinned and replied with, “Honey there’s only one look on a face that comes out after you’ve been told you’re having twins. And you’ve got it! Congratulations!”

I was never annoyed that she asked me. In fact it made me feel like I was part of an exclusive club! And I was thankful for her well wishes.

As a parent accepting this news, it is mind-boggling. I found myself wavering back and forth from sheer delight to utter terror. There’s plenty of books and online blogs about how to make it work, but as you can expect, there was always a wide-range of advice from one extreme to the next. How is one to know what is the correct “way to parent twins”?

Now looking on the other side, like with any new addition to the family, your family unit will be unique to you, and deciphering what works is really just a lot of trial and error. If someone wrote a book that just said “Give it a Whirl and Find Out”, I would have scoffed at that approach before. But now, I’d say that’s the best advice out there.

It’s fascinating to watch twins grow and develop, and see individual personalities right from the start.  From the beginning we were  purposeful in trying hard not to compare their abilities to each other or alternatively parcel them together as one being.   I was so extreme in this that I refused to dress them the same unless it was for a special occasion such as cheering on a favourite sporting team or for the rare occasion that matching outfits were the last and most practical items left in the closet to wear.

To help personify them as babies I’d find myself choosing clothes based on colours. For Levi I’d often choose green/blue and for Malakai I’d pick blue/red.  And we didn’t do this just for clothing. We’d keep track of their dummies, hats, boots, and drink bottles by these same colour codes as well. Most shops would sell boy items in two colours and this is how we’d choose who’d get what. 

It grew as they did- dinnerware, swimwear, jackets, socks
and jocks, toys, and bedding! 6 years on and our boys have 
subconsciously picked up this habit too, saying their favourite colours are green (for Levi) and red (for Kai). Levi has added black to his palette as this is the colour that both Darth Vader and ninjas wear.

Though we love the novelty of “twin life” as they are members of a particular exclusive group we had been warned by many twins (and by reading through lots of material) to be aware of some of the impact that “twinfamy” can bring. 

When the boys were very little people often stopped us on the street just to stick their head in the pram to have a look. It probably didn’t help that to our small town community, our pram grabbed people’s attention because it looked like a giant space craft.

In this early stage (because they were premmie babies) I was super vigilant in making sure to protect them from viruses that their little bodies struggled to fight off. I’d often have a blanket covering both capsules, and did what I could to avoid contact with people.  This often resulted in me wearing sunnies to hide my eyes so as not to make the mistake of catching anyone else’s, and I’d walk super fast from place to place often humming or talking under my breath which made me look crazy enough that no one would
 want to approach me. 

Nevertheless I’d run into a few familiar faces who were dying for a squizz and would demand a look-see. There was never a quick run to the supermarket in those days! 
Because of this, I’d often wait for Leigh to get home from work so I could dash out for my “weekly” child-free break to buy nappies and formula! 

You can’t fit much in your pram for groceries anyway so shopping separately is really ideal.

No one really tells you how tiring it can be to parent two together (plus added children for us special kind of crazies 
that are out there) and honestly I’m not trying to complain 
but just explain what I mean. 

When they were little it was just keeping up with monster feeds...it honestly felt like all I did was feed and express. If anyone else can do “anything” every few hours (including overnight)and not find it tedious even after a day or a week, you are a special kind of hero. I felt like a milking machine. It was hard work - beneficial yes- but hard nonetheless. 

Then as they grew older it was determining boundaries, not just for one but for two. You’d finish parenting one through a crises and find yourself parenting the other through the exact same crisis 4 minutes later. And you’d honestly get tired. Like is it really that important that I stick with the same boundaries that I set for the first one? Yes indeed it is! I found out!

Then when they started school. I found it so hard to be motivated to keep up with both of their school work and manage the housework. For me (now with 3 children) there were seasons where Leigh had to work late shifts on many 
nights leaving me home to do dinner and bedtime alone.  It meant I had to do two lots of homework and go through two lots of readers and gold words on those nights. And when they’re little, and struggling, because reading and writing are not their thing, this can get very difficult quickly. Especially when you add in making snacks, prepping/cleaning up dinner,  emptying/refilling lunch boxes, washing/drying uniforms, bathing/getting ready forbed, and any extracurricular activities or doctor appointments, that need to be done as well!It can leave you feeling pretty exhausted. 

Thankfully tho it’s not all hard work.  There are some amazing fun twin moments too.  For starters they always have a best friend to play with- before they could talk they made each other giggle. It was so cute, and although ours don’t always consistently play together, they will come back to each other from time to time throughout the day to touch base together. 

One of my favourite memories of when they were toddlers was before they could walk. They had grown big enough that we had to put them into separate cots beside each other, and later on we’d find one had climbed into the others to be with them overnight. It was so sweet, but later on got difficult to get them sleeping and keep them sleeping so we ended up having to separate their cots. They ended up shouting back and forth to one another, reaching out their little hands through the slats, and throwing blankies and dummies back and forth to keep connected. Sometimes it was a real zoo!

They also have always had an understanding of what it means to share or take turns because they’ve always had to.  I was surprised how quickly they learned this! I expected them to throw a fit if it wasn’t their turn and they wanted a turn too. I’d explain they could have a turn in one minute, after the other one had had a turn and then I would make sure I would really give them their turn in one minute. It wasn’t long there were no tears, as they saw how the system worked!

They are also good at identifying what each other are good at and sharing in that achievement rather than being jealous of each other.  I love that! We wanted them to discover each other’s individuality, and be able to celebrate those rather than compete with one other. Last year in frustration, Malakai said, “Why do I have to learn to read and write? Levi is so good at it. I can just ask him to read and write for me!”

To which Levi replied, “yah I can read and write for him and he can work the AppleTV for me!”

What a beautiful way of discovering and celebrating your brothers gifts, boys!  Not really what I had in mind!

They truly are so individual that I often forget they are twins, until they do something like both lose their front teeth at the same time...