in pieces

  Here's to another new year! Who knows what kind of treasures and adventures I will discover in 2024. I don't usually do resolutions, but I'll often sit in a space and ask God - what do you want me to notice this year?   In 2023 the word He gave me was  repentance . It was a hard and confronting journey - (still is). Necessary for growth and change and deeply painful. It requires facing the music, confession, drastic change in my behaviour, in my character,  my parenting, my work - relationships, everything....This is an ongoing focus that won't end when the clock ticks over to a new year.  However while I've never felt so low in myself - I never felt so close and carried by God. Probably more than ever. His grace has been found every morning. I found some friends who loved me in my heartache - and who walked with me in my shame. I really do “thank God” for this year...even in all the pain.  I’m so thankful we serve a God that loves us so much He does...

I feel like I've had so many songs sitting and waiting to come out this year. I'm not sure why...  But I think I've just reached an age where I care a LOT less what people think and have stopped trying to make the songs FIT in a box that I have constructed from years of fear and insecurity- songs never written because they were edited before they'd even seen the light of day.   They didn't have a chance to grow with those kinds of limitations. I've reached the stage of: Who cares if it's not the most current "sound" or if it's a number one hit?  And you know what? It's made writing so FREE again - like when I was a kid.   Here's a song that was in me. And it wanted out. So I gave it it's wish this week. After I wrote this one yesterday - Kai decided to make a lyric video for it too.  It's not perfect. But I loved writing it and enjoyed so much working with Kai on this! Grab a seat. And listen. And breathe in these words from Jam...

  The icy wind tugs at my coat as if it wants to play. It finds its way in and grins greedily as it finds flesh.  I pull my collar tighter as if to impose my power again - and begin to pick up my pace.  This game feels like it's been going on for a lifetime and I'm tired of it now. It knows my weakness and almost laughs at my attempt to protect myself.  With fierce persistence - it again whirls around me...and somehow the swirling orchestrates a lashing to my face. A lashing that uses my own hair against me.  It reminds me how my older brothers used to take my fists and hit me with them while chanting "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"  I loathed that game.  And I was loathing this game as well.   I turn and shout, "Stop beating me!" But it only howls louder as it slaps me again and again. I can feel the tears begin to form.  And I wonder when it will be over. I feel depleted.  With persistent fo...

I love our children. They are little adventurers. I think that means- I will always have messes in the house as they build fort after fort with every item they can use . It means at least one of them will be sporting a scrape, a bruise or bump! It means I will constantly clean dirty floors and will have no hope of keeping up with the washing let alone get all the stains out of their clothes. It means they will experiment and fail and cry and give up and maybe try again. But I wouldn’t give up their adventurous spirits for the cleanest house in the world just to have perfectly bubble-wrapped clean children. I love that Aliyahs hands and feet must be in the dirt- and that her hair takes a good hour to brush out because of the debris and twigs she’s collected in it in the day.  She has determination of steel and excels at anything she puts her mind to. She won’t be outdone by her older brothers. I love that Levi counts down the days (while pouring over animal encyclopa...

One of our family’s all time favourite comfort foods is homemade soup! And My Pumpkin soup is Aliyah’s absolute favourite. I’ll post the recipe here but remember I tend to “feel” the amounts- which is a person of precision’s nightmare. Ange’s Pumpkin Soup In a 180C oven, place about: 1Kg of Pumpkin rubbed in olive oil  After about a half hour of enjoying your favourite beverage, place a soup pot on the stove and in oil sauté  1 onion Add: 3 medium potatoes peeled and cubed (small) 3 small carrots peeled and cubed (small) 3 garlic cloves (smashed and chopped roughly) 2 -3 knobs of butter Lower heat slightly and let it cook down for about 10-15 minutes (which is about equivalent to reading about 8 friends Facebook posts and replying to 4 of them or folding a pile of washing) Prepare: Take pumpkin out of oven and remove skin and seeds. (See super awesome video filmed by my 8 year old) Add: Pumpkin should be soft enoug...

Getting a break in isolation- with family can be so tricky! What do you do to get a space to breathe?

How am I doing today? Let’s see...

Praise God for Perseverance! Wow I’m so glad I made it through the 30 day challenge. For me personally, it required perseverance. I didn’t find it easy. But anything of value isn’t easy. I liked that I had to work at it and discipline myself to do it. It helped me grow and literally took all my anxiety away. I almost feel like I’ve been in a protective bubble these past weeks as I’ve set my eyes on praising Him rather than gathering stress and fear from the world. James 1:4 says “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” I’m so grateful for this maturing and growth in my life. And I seriously have felt I’ve lacked for nothing- truly. Holy spirit – thank you for showing up – and ministering to me every day teaching me and guiding me in your way. Jesus – thank you for being my Saviour and giving me a way back to the Father through you – and Lord God thank you for creating me and pursuing me with your endless love constantly. I am s...

Praise God for family. I’m kind of going rogue off following the book now- but I have been inspired by the time spent together with my family recently. In a sense the present day lockdown has created space for the very things I’ve heard myself say that I didn’t have time for. One being - just chilling with family.  I have a feeling we’ll look back on these days with fondness. Stepping back from our regular hurried routine has allowed me to see how much we’ve filled our day with a lot of time pressured events. No wonder I am a stress head sometimes! I am running from one thing to the next just trying to keep up- just trying to keep my head above water. I don’t really like that lifestyle so I have to really figure out how I can make the things that really matter to me - a priority, and dismiss the things that aren’t. To find the space for intentional togetherness with my family enjoying the really simple things in life.  I have been blessed with amazing parents and tw...