in pieces

  The icy wind tugs at my coat as if it wants to play. It finds its way in and grins greedily as it finds flesh.  I pull my collar tighter as if to impose my power again - and begin to pick up my pace.  This game feels like it's been going on for a lifetime and I'm tired of it now. It knows my weakness and almost laughs at my attempt to protect myself.  With fierce persistence - it again whirls around me...and somehow the swirling orchestrates a lashing to my face. A lashing that uses my own hair against me.  It reminds me how my older brothers used to take my fists and hit me with them while chanting "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"  I loathed that game.  And I was loathing this game as well.   I turn and shout, "Stop beating me!" But it only howls louder as it slaps me again and again. I can feel the tears begin to form.  And I wonder when it will be over. I feel depleted.  With persistent fo...

I love our children. They are little adventurers. I think that means- I will always have messes in the house as they build fort after fort with every item they can use . It means at least one of them will be sporting a scrape, a bruise or bump! It means I will constantly clean dirty floors and will have no hope of keeping up with the washing let alone get all the stains out of their clothes. It means they will experiment and fail and cry and give up and maybe try again. But I wouldn’t give up their adventurous spirits for the cleanest house in the world just to have perfectly bubble-wrapped clean children. I love that Aliyahs hands and feet must be in the dirt- and that her hair takes a good hour to brush out because of the debris and twigs she’s collected in it in the day.  She has determination of steel and excels at anything she puts her mind to. She won’t be outdone by her older brothers. I love that Levi counts down the days (while pouring over animal encyclopa...

One of our family’s all time favourite comfort foods is homemade soup! And My Pumpkin soup is Aliyah’s absolute favourite. I’ll post the recipe here but remember I tend to “feel” the amounts- which is a person of precision’s nightmare. Ange’s Pumpkin Soup In a 180C oven, place about: 1Kg of Pumpkin rubbed in olive oil  After about a half hour of enjoying your favourite beverage, place a soup pot on the stove and in oil sauté  1 onion Add: 3 medium potatoes peeled and cubed (small) 3 small carrots peeled and cubed (small) 3 garlic cloves (smashed and chopped roughly) 2 -3 knobs of butter Lower heat slightly and let it cook down for about 10-15 minutes (which is about equivalent to reading about 8 friends Facebook posts and replying to 4 of them or folding a pile of washing) Prepare: Take pumpkin out of oven and remove skin and seeds. (See super awesome video filmed by my 8 year old) Add: Pumpkin should be soft enoug...

Getting a break in isolation- with family can be so tricky! What do you do to get a space to breathe?

How am I doing today? Let’s see...

Praise God for Perseverance! Wow I’m so glad I made it through the 30 day challenge. For me personally, it required perseverance. I didn’t find it easy. But anything of value isn’t easy. I liked that I had to work at it and discipline myself to do it. It helped me grow and literally took all my anxiety away. I almost feel like I’ve been in a protective bubble these past weeks as I’ve set my eyes on praising Him rather than gathering stress and fear from the world. James 1:4 says “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” I’m so grateful for this maturing and growth in my life. And I seriously have felt I’ve lacked for nothing- truly. Holy spirit – thank you for showing up – and ministering to me every day teaching me and guiding me in your way. Jesus – thank you for being my Saviour and giving me a way back to the Father through you – and Lord God thank you for creating me and pursuing me with your endless love constantly. I am s...

Praise God for family. I’m kind of going rogue off following the book now- but I have been inspired by the time spent together with my family recently. In a sense the present day lockdown has created space for the very things I’ve heard myself say that I didn’t have time for. One being - just chilling with family.  I have a feeling we’ll look back on these days with fondness. Stepping back from our regular hurried routine has allowed me to see how much we’ve filled our day with a lot of time pressured events. No wonder I am a stress head sometimes! I am running from one thing to the next just trying to keep up- just trying to keep my head above water. I don’t really like that lifestyle so I have to really figure out how I can make the things that really matter to me - a priority, and dismiss the things that aren’t. To find the space for intentional togetherness with my family enjoying the really simple things in life.  I have been blessed with amazing parents and tw...

Praise God for His Son. Without whom- I’d have no hope. No future. No purpose.  When God sent His Son, He gave me everything. Not only a free gift of eternal life, and a slate wiped clean, but a reason to live. I am here to worship Him with my life. If I do not praise Him- there is no reason to my existence. The Bible says that one day every tribe and tongue and nation on earth will bow to Him. Whether we choose to accept that now- or when we are face to face to Him - is up to us. I know that there is nothing on this earth that can satisfy my soul more than my faith in Jesus Christ. What a joy to celebrate Jesus today - on Easter Sunday! Click here to listen to: King of Kings by Hillsong Worship And Forever (We Sing Hallelujah) by Kari Job

Praise God for His presence in the waiting. As Easter is tomorrow - I can’t help but praise God for His presence in the waiting.  A couple years ago a colleague spoke in church about being in liminal space. That time between what was and what is to come.  Do you know how a trapeze artist moves from that space of being let go to being grasped again? Perfect precision in that moment. The liminal space - is that weightlessness in between. The courage to let go with the belief and trust that you will be caught again.   Liminal space. Without it you’d never do anything- or go anywhere - you’d just swing back and forth. I think Easter Saturday is a great example of liminal space. The time between His death and His resurrection. The time between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I have often struggled with the Saturday between. Good Friday (while sobering) gives me something to grieve and reflect upon. And on Sunday I rejoice in His victory over death, and His resurr...

Praise God that He answers prayer A number of years ago I came across the verse in Psalm 37:4 that says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I spent a few weeks just meditating on that one verse. I had circumstances in my life that I was longing for the Lord to answer. I knew that God doesn’t always answer the way I desired but I was finding that there seemed to be “no” answer at all- silence from God - which almost felt worse than an obvious no from Him. Part of me wondered if it was a season of waiting- practicing patience- which for me would not be a bad thing to practice. But even in that- God felt strangely quiet and distant. Throughout those days as I studied the verse- I began to ask myself- what does it mean to “Delight myself in the Lord?” I began to discover that delighting in Him wasn’t just about completing a lot of religious practices- not just ticking the Christian boxes and expecting a response from God through...